The last day

Yesterday during work, I was thinking of the boy all the time in the office. After work, we quickly went to pick him up. I got a cold shoulder and long face from the babysitter. She was not looking at me and not talking to me. Apparently, she was still angry with me. Well I did nothing wrong. When I was looking for babysitter I had already told her that the baby is on fully breast milk and if she think she can’t support that, please do not accept to take care my child!

Next week I’m going to send Hao to parents’ house and then in the month of May, Hao is going to the playschool together with Lynn. I had talked to the person in-charge of the playschool. I can send him over next month (they are limiting to 5 babies only and Hao will be the 4th one). After the incident, I don’t trust this babysitter anymore. Sending Hao to her will only make me worry. Moreover, now she is showing long face to me, how do I know will she harm the baby to release her anger to me? I do not want to take any risk. However, giving me a choice I would like to end the relationship with the babysitter in a better way. She maybe thinking that she is good and experience in taking care of children but I’m sorry aunty you are not good at all in our eyes.

Lynn was lucky. She was blessed with a very good babysitter when she was a baby. Until today, we still maintain good relationship with that lady. We know all her children and grand children. Her grandchildren are Lynn’s playmate. Unfortunately, Hao did not come on the right timing. The aunty needs to take care of her own granddaughter who was born 3 months after Hao. She alone could not take care 2 babies at the same time. That is why I could not send Hao to her. But she helped to take care Hao until the granddaughter was born. She’s a very nice lady, and has been supportive to breastfeeding.

The playschool has been established for more than 30 years. They are ok with Hao on breast milk. It is a better environment too. Hao will get the opportunity to learn from other kids. This should help for his growth. However on the bad side, is maybe he will pick up some bad habit from the older kids too. Well there’s always good and bad. We just have to keep an eye on them and correct them if they are doing something not right or not good.

4/28:

Went to the babysitter's house to collect Hao's things after work. I also gave her some branded and pricey chocolate, as an appreciation to her for taking care Hao all this while. Even though I may not agree with her on everything, but to me these are separate issues. Finally, a smile from her - I guess she did not expect I will say thank you to her. Well, I'm a person who likes good ending. :)

Enough!

I feel like want to cry. I had to throw away an unused, 5oz, thawed frozen breast milk. Yes, you hear me right. I HAD TO THROW AWAY AN UNUSED, 5OZ THAWED FROZEN BREAST MILK. (Well, it is actually still inside my fridge, as I feel so heavy to throw it away. However, I know I have to, as it is not good to drink already.) How this will happen?

Apparently, Hao did not finish his milk for the day on the day before. However, the babysitter did not tell me about it. Therefore, I still gave her the same amount of milk this morning when I sent Hao over to her house. She did mention to me this morning that Hao seems like does not like to drink those milk anymore. However, so far I have no problem nursing him at home. He did not show the sign does not want me breastfeeding him. In fact, he is looking forward to it every night.

When I went to pick up Hao after work, the babysitter told me tomorrow no need to bring any milk to her. Hao did not want to drink the milk. He just finished whatever left over from yesterday. And the BM that I gave her this morning remained untouched. Well of course, Hao won’t want it. Everyday, I gave the babysitter both expressed BM and frozen BM. I expected all milks to be finished on that day itself. Therefore, I did not tell her, which one is frozen, that Hao had to take first and which one could be later. And any leftover milk from the milk bottle, if not being consumed within the next 1-2 hours, had to be discarded (the same rule apply to formula milk too). And thawed frozen BM cannot be kept until the next day. I don’t think she knows all this. Obviously, Hao would not want that ‘old’ milk, as they did not taste good anymore. But she should have told me this yesterday.

As I did not give her any formula milk powder to stand by, I wonder if Hao was not taking the BM, what he takes? The babysitter said he just take the normal cereal and porridge. Other than that, he did not want the milk. I did not understand, wont he feel hungry? Just when I wanted to ask more questions, I heard the babysitter was telling Hao “嘿, 长大了囖, 知道不好吃了啊.” (means now you have grown up, you know the BM does not taste good.) After hearing this, I could not hold back anymore.

Immediately I told the babysitter in a very stern and serious tone, showing my unhappiness and disagreement “Aunty, how can you be so negative. I’m very sensitive to this. Breast milk is the best milk in this world. All this while you like to ask me when am I going to stop breast-feeding. Commenting the texture of the milk, the taste of the milk etc. Milk is not the main food for baby after 6 months old. In fact, the paed just told me to replace one of his milk with semi solid food. This is the beauty of the breast milk; it will adjust to the baby’s need. However, despite all the benefits, you are not encouraging at all. Even if the baby is rejecting the milk, this is his choice. How can you tell the baby it does not taste good? Well seems like the baby is listening to you now.”

I dislike this babysitter as she has been acting and talking negatively all this while. I and hubby already have plan to change babysitter for Hao. But I did not expect such thing would happen before Hao switch to new babysitter. When Hao was about 7 months, I requested the babysitter to cook porridge for him. She told me Hao did not like to take porridge. I did not rely on the babysitter. I took my own initiative to find out what Hao likes and what he does not like and updated the babysitter. Apparently she did not listen to me. One day, she told me Hao was not ready to take porridge yet as he vomited right after taking the porridge. Well I did not have such problem back at home here. I did not argue with her. I just checked with her how she cooked the porridge and the texture of the porridge. I doubt she cooked it in the way that Hao likes.

She stopped cooking porridge for Hao after that day. I did not get mad at her. One or two weeks later, I asked her about it. I told her back at home during weekend, Hao’s evening meal was on porridge, no more milk. So far, I had no problem feeding him porridge. Only after hearing me saying this, she resumes giving him porridge and no more complains from her on this.

I gave her a box of Baby Bites biscuit when Hao reaching 6 months old earlier. I told her to give to Hao as snack. After 2 months later, I checked with her. She told me the biscuit is like the Japanese rice biscuit, she thinks it’s too hard for Hao. Therefore, she did not give him. I was like – what? If I did not ask, means she won’t tell me about it. I assured her the biscuit is soft enough to give to a baby. Lynn started eating those biscuit when she was 5 months plus. I personally also had given Hao those biscuit to eat and he knows how to eat those biscuit. Very obvious she made her own judgment without trying it. Still after that, she did not give it to him. She complained to me that Hao did not like to drink plain water. I suggested change to sipping cup for him. This happened to Lynn before. She also did not like to drink plain water from milk bottle. But she’s ok after we change her to sipping cup. Guess what the babysitter told me? She said Hao won’t want to drink from the sipping cup (how she knows if she never try?), he does not know how to drink from the sipping cup (no one come to this world know everything, we have to learn). She even asked me to try first, if he drinks then only give her the cup. Well I did try at home. Hao did not reject sipping cup. But I did not tell the babysitter. There are many incidents already. Since she won’t listen to me, I let her do the way she wants. She is being lazy. She thought as long as the baby is not grumpy, not cranky, she has done her job. All the babies that she previously take care, the parents only brought the baby back home during weekend. I doubt those parents know how this lady take care of their child.

Since then, we know she is a very negative person. She uses the same method same way on all babies, but we know this will not work as every baby is unique. In addition, a baby needs a positive environment to grow. Hubby and I have been talking about changing babysitter. We actually have decided to send Hao to the same playschool that Lynn is going now. We just need to sort out some of the arrangement.

A Day with Grandma

Yesterday, Hao's babysitter had to go out settle some personal matter. So I seek mother-in-law (MIL) help to take care the boy for a day. Else I had to take a day off. MIL actually had to go for a body check-up in the morning. However she was kind enough to re-arrange the appointment.

I was a little worry. Knowing the boy has stranger anxiety, putting him with someone that he does not meet very often had made me feel a little uneasy. I was worry he will be giving lots of trouble to my MIL. From the morning, I kept on telling him today he will be going to grandma's house. He cried when I left MIL house to work. MIL assured us he will be alright as this is absolutely normal.

We went to pick him up after work. He was playing with MIL happily in the living room. MIL told us he just cried for a while in the morning then stopped. He was good boy the whole day, except a bit 'sticky'. Followed her wherever she go. He wanted accompaniment and attention. I felt relief after hearing this. Phew! Looks like I am worrying too much. Oh Zhe Hao o zhe hao.... you are awesome. Mommy love you!

Visiting Lynn's old nanny

It was more than 2 months since we last met with Lynn's old nanny. We stopped sending Lynn to her because she couldn't take care both Lynn and Hao at the same time. When I get to know that I was pregnant, I had already requested her to take care both kids. She agreed at the beginning. However later she told me that her daughter-in-law got pregnant too and her son would like her to take care the child. Since both babies will be only 3 months apart, she said it will be difficult for to take care both babies at the same time, without another pair of helping hand. The son initially said will get a maid for her, but changed their mind later on. So the babysitter had no choice to tell me that she could not take care Hao. Well, since I had to find another babysitter for Hao, so we decided to send Lynn to playschool at the same time.

This babysitter had been taking care of Lynn since she was 2 months old. We had been developing a very good relationship with their family. The whole family are very good to Lynn and us. She even helped me to take care Hao, before I managed to get a new babysitter and before her daughter-in-law gave birth. Lynn was very much attached to the nanny (she called them Ah Kong and Ah Mah as they are Hokkiens). When we stopped sending Lynn to them, I wanted to buy a gift to the babysitter. However I was too busy with work at that time, so did not manage to go do some shopping. Last month, my sister-in-law opened her own boutique shop in Kuchai Lama. While visiting her new shop, I found a very nice crystal bracelet that was made byher sister there. Without much hesitation, I bought the bracelet for the nanny. Since it was a bit short, I had requested to make the bracelet longer and finally i got it about 2 weeks ago. (Oops, forgot to take a picture of the bracelet before giving it away to the nanny. See how forgetful I am. Sigh. )

We had a good time chatting with the Ah Kong and Ah Mah. While Lynn had a good time playing with their grand daughter (they used to play together in the past). Ah Kong even gave Lynn a very big donut to eat. So when I was leaving 2 hours later, Lynn refused to follow me home. Sigh... got Ah Mah, don't want mommy already. So hubby went to pick her up later when coming back from work.

Hao @ 5.5 months

Time flies. Zhe Hao is 5.5 months now. I still can remember very clearly the moment he come out from my stomach in the hospital, the confinement months, how he asked for milk every half to 1 hour, it just seems like not too long ago. However now soon 2 more weeks he will turn 6 months old. Well, though I have been very much looking forward for him to turn 6 months old to start the semi solids (that means I can get to feel a bit relief as once he started the solids he will need less milk, so I don't need to feel so stress not being able to express enough for him during the workdays), but I do wish to have more breastfeed moments with him. He is a very special baby to me. He is different from his sister Lynn, very much different. Sometimes I do feel sorry that I don't spend enough time with him due to the hectic work schedule. I probably give more attention to Lynn when she was still a baby. However back then we don't have another toddler to take care of.

Hao does not gained much weight in the past 1 month. The babysitter always complain me giving too little milk for him. However I don't think so as Hao is on 2 hourly feeding schedule. She cant always compare him to a baby taking formula milk.

First time Hao has some fever after taking his last dose of the 6-in-1 jap. Combined with the flu that he got from his sister earlier on, Hao is rather fussy according to the babysitter. She complained about Lynn spread over the flu to him. To me, falling sick is rather normal and common if one person in the family get sick, the others will fall sick too. Hao took 2 days to recover from the fever. But still have some flu and I heard he started coughing too (sure I will get blamed again from the babysitter next Mon on this).

Weight: 7.5kg

Another milestone achieved

This is a backdated post.

Date: 24 November 2008

As usual, I went to pick up Zhe Hao after work. However this week will be exceptional early as we have to pick up Lynn from the child care center too. Usually it's my father to go pick up Lynn on his way back home from work. But this week my parents have gone for holiday, so we have to pick up Lynn ourselves.

Usually there is no parking space available at the babysitter's house, so we do not normally stop by for long. Just pick up the boy and then we will leave. But since I was early, I had to wait for the babysitter to change Hao into his pyjamas. The babysitter told me that Hao now can hold the milk bottle by himself. What? Did I hear it wrongly? Zhe Hao can hold milk bottle by himself approaching 5 months old?! Wuahahaha... though I have guessed that for quite a while (Hao used to put his hand on my chest while I feed him in lying down position, just like the position of holding milk bottle) but I never expect he really did it. Well done, Hao!

Demand > Supply *cry*

Hao is more than 3 months old now. When I put him with the previous babysitter when he was 1.5 months old, I started him with 90ml for every 2 hours. It looks a lot for a baby taking breast milk but I found that only taking this much then can last him for 2 hours. So we have been sticking to this until recently. The new babysitter has been complaining the boy is not having enough milk. So I increased the feeding to 100ml for every 2 hours. When my mom called up Dr Koh to check how much milk should Hao been taking, I was a bit surprised to find out that she thinks 90ml every 2 hours is way too much for him. She said it should be a 3 hourly feeding. She suggested if we increase the milk to 100ml, make it 3 hours. I don't think 100ml can last the boy for 3 hours. So I continue him with the 2 hourly feeding and 100ml.

Just one week, the babysitter complained to me the boy is not having enough again. He will cry when she try to take the milk bottle from him after he has finished drinking all milk. Oh alamak, how can be not enough? And I think increase the milk again is not a good idea. Due to the working late nights, my supply had been greatly affected. Even though stay in the office much longer hours, however I couldn't find any extra time to express one more time. So the supply has become lower. During the weekends when I breastfeed him directly, I noticed that his feeding time had been increasing, and still having both eyes widely open after the feeding. Which means that very likely he's not full enough and I have no more for him! This is so stressful that besides feeling stress about work, every time when I will calculate that whether it is enough for the day or not. For almost the whole week, the expressed milk is one feeding less than the expressed milk I pass to the babysitter in the morning. Argh this is real bad. I have no choice but to increase the dosage of the domperidone. Hopefully this will help.

Stress, stress, stress

Recently I'm having so much stress. Stress from work and stress from home. I had lost 3-4kg within 1.5 months since I went back to work about 2 months back.

At work, we all are working without days and nights to get things done before the dateline. Some of us even had to come back to work one full day on Saturday for the past one month. I'm glad that I still can enjoy rest day on Saturday. However we do work until very late, around 10pm. On one Friday, we even worked until 3am in the morning! Well, the dateline had past however the boss is not very happy with the results. We need to put in more effort to get it done. So there will be more late nights next week. Being a team leader I even need to face more stress from the boss as well as the top management team.

As for the kids, due to the unavailability of the previous babysitter, despite the busy work schedule I had to squeeze some time to look for a new babysitter for them. It was not easy at all due to the fact that both me and hubby are working late. So we need someone to take care them at least until around 9pm. It was so difficult to get someone who is willing to take care kids till so late. Most people requested to pick up the kids around 7pm.

Finally I manage to find someone who is willing to take care the kids, with some extra charges. The market price here for one child is RM600. I top up additional RM100 for late pick up. This lady is staying near my parents house, not somewhere near my living area. However I don't have much choice as I could not get any babysitter nearby my area to take care the kids. (There was another lady staying near the work place area, charging additional RM150 for late pick up. And later another Rm100 for the porridge when Hao turns 6 months old later. Moreover she is intending to take care more than one kid at the same time. I think this is over charging.) As for Lynn, she will be going to the child care. I will write another post on this.

Stress at work and the worries about the new arrangement of the kids leave some impact to the milk supply. Some of the days the supply will be low that could not meet the daily demand of the boy. So this add another stress to me. I do have some extra milk storage in the freezer, but I do worry about not producing enough for the boy during the days will decrease the supply over a period of time which cause me could not fully breastfeeding him very soon. Sometimes during the weekend, especially on Sunday towards the end of the day, I can feel that the supply had gone low and Hao is not having enough. I had no choice but to continue taking the domperidone in order to maintain the milk supply. Next week I need to increase Hao's serving per feed and this definitely will add more stress on my body in order to produce more milk for him.

4 days in the hospital...

While we were thinking what kind of treatment that Hao needed, the doctors were thinking what was the cause of the fractured bone. To them, this is a serious injury. They said a normal fall would not cause the bone to be broken (yes, i saw the x-ray, 1 bone has been broken into 2 smaller bones.)

In total, Zhe Hao was admitted for 4 days (from Sept 1 - 4). In fact, according to the paed ortho doc, Zhe Hao required no treatment. Since he was still a baby. the bone will require by itself. It will take about another month more (since they said it happened about 2 weeks ago). By the time, it will be back to 1 whole bone by itself. When I asked about any side effects from the fractured bone, I was told that any side effects will not be visible when he grow up later. As for Zhe Hao, he is just like normal. He did not really cry a lot, does not seems to be in pain. At least I feel relief seeing him being normal. His diet is normal, passing motion also normal, did not complain when I move his leg when changing diaper etc. As long as we be more careful on his right leg, do not cause any pain to him, Zhe Hao basically is just like normal.

And since Zhe Hao does not need treatment at all, so why we still need to be in the hospital for 4 days?

Day 1 (Night): the paed doc came to ask me details on Zhe Hao, like who take care of him, who else in the family, in the babysitter house, any accidents, how Lynn treats Zhe Hao etc.

Day 2 (Morning): Another paed doc come asking me a little bit more details than the first paed doc. Then she told me about the NAI, about what they need to be done as the doctor, in order to protect the child, they need to investigate how this could happen, to make sure no child abuse incident etc.

Also when other doctors, nurses or other parents come to know that Zhe Hao was having fractured bone, they all started asking did he fall down, is he taken care by the babysitter etc. Most of the people suspecting the babysitter but me and hubby are not. The same babysitter has been taken care Lynn when Lynn was still a baby. Lynn has been well taken care of. And the babysitter family all treat Lynn very well. Buying clothes for her, buying toys for her, taken her out for shopping, willing to take care of her till late, or even overnight, willing to take care of her even during public holiday when me and hubby need to go to work. And she's not a calculative person. She never ask for any OT money from us. So we trust her will not harm Zhe Hao. However we do worry that if it's caused by the kids. Besides Lynn, the babysitter also is taking care her one year old granddaughter too.

Day 2 (Afternoon): Zhe Hao was taken for another x-ray session - to scan any other places in his body that also having bone fractured. The doctors also examined his whole body for any bruises.

Day 3 (Morning): The eye specialist doc came over to check Zhe Hao's eyes, see if there is any internal bleeding. Poor Zhe Hao... when the eye specialist come over, he was just fallen asleep. Howeve the examination required him to have his eyes open. So they forced to open his eyes and he was crying loudly complaining the doc disturb him sleeping. Until me also feel like crying. Luckily the whole session did not take that long but enough to make you feel pity to the boy having to go through all this examinations despite the fact that he's not being abused.

Day 3 (Afternoon): Both me and hubby, as well as the babysitter were required to be in the hospital to be interviewed by the doctors. So I had to repeat the story how I found his leg swollen then sent him to hospital for further checking... After that, we were required to lodge a police report. It is for the hospital to further carry out the investigation. The people from social welfare will pay a visit to our home as well as babysitter home, to ensure the environment are safe for the baby.

Of course the doctor will not trust the babysitter. However I do believe they don't think we the parents will abuse the baby. How can a mother who is fully breastfeeding the child will abuse her own baby? This not make sense at all. And because I need to breastfeed Zhe Hao, I had been 'stucked' in the hospital, 24 hrs a day, to take care and breastfeed him. So my job in the hospital is breastfeed Hao, eat, sleep, drink, rest. That's all. It was sooo cold in the hospital at night. I could not sleep well as it was too cold. Thanks to hubby who brought me the blanket on the 3rd day so at least I still get to sleep well on that night. It was a tiring experience. But I'm glad Zhe Hao is fine.

Day 4: Finally we were allowed to go home. And I need to take Zhe Hao come back hospital for x-ray after one month.